you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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