bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
