he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dicks are not precious.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
