Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
