my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
