mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
