Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
