I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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