I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
