who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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