dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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