Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
