just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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