No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
