Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
