Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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