whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
