cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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