I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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