It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Still dying that you shit outside
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
