I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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