Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There's always time for handjobs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
