shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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