i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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