it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
