so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
