It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
