I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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