But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
