Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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