I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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