girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
