then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
