i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
