See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
