3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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