between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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