Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
