I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
