did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
