Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
