yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
