Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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