I wish I only lived at night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
