Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
