im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
