Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
