Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
