The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
