Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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