Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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