I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
