He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
