it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
